The Culture You Sold Vs. The Culture They Found

In brief

“Fast-paced,” “we’re like a family” and “we do a lot of events” describe what a company wants to be. New hires find out quickly what it actually is.
Perks and parties can’t stand in for connection, purpose and knowing how things get done.
Every company has a dynamic. Until you name it, you can’t onboard anyone to it.

I always pay attention to how a company describes its culture. “We’re fast-paced.” “We’re like a family here.” “We do a lot for our people: the holiday gala, the summer picnic, team events all year.”

I’ve worked in all three. At the fast-paced company, work got dumped on people and nobody stayed around long enough to help them pick it up. At the company that was like a family, there were favorites, the way some families have favorites. At the company with all the events, leadership spent a fortune on the holiday party, and some managers couldn’t say good morning to the people who reported to them.

None of those companies were lying. They were describing the company they wanted to be. The new hires found the company they were.

3 culture phrases and what they can hide

The phrases aren’t the problem. Plenty of companies really do move fast, really do care about each other, really do enjoy getting together. The trouble starts when the phrase replaces the work.

1. “Fast-paced” can mean the company is energized and decisive. It can also mean nobody gets time to think, process or catch their breath, and the only people who do well are the ones who never need a pause. Even they need one eventually.

2. “We’re like a family” can mean people look out for each other. It can also mean loyalty counts more than performance, and that certain people are protected. Families can be dysfunctional too.

3. “We do a lot of events” can mean the company enjoys its people. It can also mean the company is paying for connection instead of building it. Plenty of employees would rather skip the holiday party and take the bonus. They don’t want to spend an evening acting friendly with people they don’t connect with during the day.

What people actually need

It reminds me of parents who work all the time and give their kids everything: the private school, the big house, whatever they ask for. What the kid actually needed was the parent.

Your new hire is the same. You can offer every perk on the list of what good companies offer. Without real connection, without people understanding their purpose and how they fit, the perks don’t mean much. What the new hire needs is you: leaders and managers who show them how things work and make room for them.

Show them how the house works

Think about someone coming to stay in your home. You don’t just hand them a key. You show them where the kitchen is and where they’ll sleep. And if they’re staying a while, you show them how the house runs: when people eat, what’s off limits, how things get done.

Most onboarding stops at the key. New hires leave their first week with a task list, the names of people they’ll work with, their benefits, and the date of the holiday party. What they don’t leave with is the dynamic of the company: how decisions really get made, what really gets rewarded, how people really treat each other.

There is a dynamic. Every company has one. But until you name it, you can’t talk about it, and you can’t onboard anyone to it. People will figure it out on their own. If what they find feels like it could hurt them, they won’t stay to find out whether it will.

Try this

Write down the three phrases your company uses most to describe its culture, in interviews, on the careers page, in all-hands meetings. Then ask your three newest employees how they’d describe it now.

Start here