In brief
- Soft skills feel unteachable because most companies describe them as traits: good communicator, team player, leader.
- Described as specific behaviors, they can be taught like anything else.
- The behaviors worth teaching are the ones your culture runs on, at the level each person works.
When a capable employee struggles with the people side of the job, leaders usually reach one of two conclusions. Either the person just doesn’t have it, or they need a course on communication.
Both skip the more useful question: did anyone ever show this person what good looks like here?
Why soft skills seem unteachable
Most companies describe soft skills as traits. Strong communicator. Team player. Leadership presence. You either have them or you don’t.
Traits are hard to teach because they’re hard to see. Nobody can tell you exactly what a “strong communicator” does differently on a Tuesday afternoon. So the training stays general, and people go back to their desks without knowing what to change.
That’s why so much soft-skills training doesn’t change behavior. It teaches the category, not the behavior.
Step 1: Describe the behavior, not the trait
Take one soft skill and ask what it looks like when someone at your company does it well. Be specific enough that two managers would agree on whether they saw it.
“Good communicator” becomes “tells the customer what happens next before they have to ask.” “Team player” becomes “flags a problem to the people it affects before it reaches them.” “Leadership” becomes “explains why a decision was made, not just what it is.”
Now it’s something a person can practice, a manager can watch for, and a review can measure.
Step 2: Use your company’s version
The same soft skill looks different from one company to the next. Good communication at a careful, relationship-first company sounds different from good communication at a company that expects you to know the job and go do it.
This is where generic training falls short. It teaches a version of the behavior built for no company in particular. The version worth teaching is the one your culture already rewards. You can usually find it by asking why people say someone is great, or by asking your best employee what they actually do.
Step 3: Set the bar by level
A frontline employee and a senior manager don’t need the same behavior at the same strength. Raising a problem looks one way for someone on the floor and another way for someone who runs the department.
Set a clear picture of the behavior for each level. People get only what applies to them, and nobody gets buried in a list that doesn’t fit their job.
Step 4: Teach it in the work
The best place to teach a behavior is the conversation between a manager and the person, not a classroom. Sit down with the behaviors for their level, their job description and their goals. Goals are what they accomplish. The behaviors are how.
Then look for chances to practice: the next customer call, the next meeting, the next problem that needs raising. Talk about what happened afterward. That’s coaching, and it works far better than a course they took once.
If you’re bringing someone new in, start on day one. The 30/60/90 day plan is a natural place for it. If you saw the gap in the interview, you already know what to train for.
The person who can do the job
Most people who struggle with the people side of the job aren’t missing something. They were never shown what good looks like at your company. Name the behavior, show them your version, set the bar for their level and coach it in the work. Here’s how that works in training.
Read next: Your Best Performer Became Your Worst Leader. Why?
New here? Start with How to Define Your Company Culture and Put It to Work.
Start here
Find the behaviors worth teaching
They start with naming your culture’s personality. The Culture Quiz gives you a first read in a few minutes.
Take the Culture Quiz
Frequently asked questions
Can soft skills be taught?
Yes, once they’re described as specific behaviors. Traits like “good communicator” are hard to teach because nobody can say exactly what they look like. Behaviors can be shown, practiced and coached.
Why doesn’t soft-skills training work?
Most of it teaches a general version of the skill. People learn the course, go back to work and do what the culture actually rewards.
What’s the difference between soft skills and behaviors?
Soft skills are categories, like communication or leadership. Behaviors are what those categories look like at your company, at a given level.
Who should teach soft skills at work?
The manager, in regular conversations tied to the person’s real work. HR can define the behaviors and support the process.
How do you measure soft skills?
Describe the behavior clearly enough that two managers would agree on whether they saw it, then look for it the same way you look for any other part of the job.
